i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
