one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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