just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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