I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
