I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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