i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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