he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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