we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
