You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
