love makes seman taste better
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
