my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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