i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
