ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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