Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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