he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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