A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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