ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
