Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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