mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I know her cup size but not her name....
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
