i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
