I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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