Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
