I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
