just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
