I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Girls should come with a carfax report
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
