How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
