Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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