i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
