If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm sobbing to NWA
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
