i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
