Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
