at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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