Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
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