My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
