my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
