I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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