Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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