nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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