If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
