you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
