Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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