Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
