farters have to be the big spoon...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
