My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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