she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize