Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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