she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
