I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
