Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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