I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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